S T U R D Y W O R D S

ROMEO TIPS: Have a photo on your profile! If you do not want to put your face there, OK, but having nothing at all is a sure way to be ignored. A picture of your body (face and private parts not visible) is great because it gives people an idea of what is on offer... a topless selfie with the phone blocking your face will do nicely. You can have your face picture as private, to be sent in messages. You can have hard-core images in your private folder too, but there is a restriction here: if you want to share these pictures in a group they will NOT be visible to people who are not paying members. There is a way around this, however! Romeo allows external links. You can create a video on XTube and post the link as part of your introduction in a group post. Anyone can view it. STAY SAFE: Do not show your face in any photo or video that shows your sexual organs!  When you join a group and make a post to introduce yourself remember that you are using the internet and you could be anywhe...

Words are loaded.  We can't help it. Before we even open our mouths or think about what we want to say, the words we have available to us are already pre-packaged with a multitude of meanings and these are not necessarily the ones we want them to have. All too often, they are not even close. Take the words 'Top' and 'Bottom". Harmless enough, you think? Or insidiously coloured? Here we have a pair that imply that one thing is in some ways better than the other. In every other context the word 'top' signifies something which is superior, whereas 'bottom' denotes the opposite... Top gun. Top tips. Top of the Pops. Rock bottom. The bottom of the barrel. Bottom feeder. Oh, but that doesn't mean anything, you say; we know what the words mean in the right context. These are just sexual positions or roles, there is no value judgement attached. Are you sure? Because it seems to me that those words carry pretty heavy associations that key into some power...

What is at the heart of this whole Bear/Daddy fascination? First, we should acknowledge that there are two separate qualities under consideration here, which often - but not always - overlap. The Bear tradition came about sometime during the 1980s in Western gay male culture. Following the advances of the gay liberation movement of the previous decade, organisations and venues became more widespread, at least in urban locations within Europe and the US. Emerging from isolation and into a stereotype-laden new consciousness, many of these men adopted feminine styles of appearance and behaviour (up to and including actual cross-dressing). Not everyone fitted this mold, of course (the vast majority of gay men are no more feminine or flamboyant than their heterosexual fellows) but nevertheless this signature style predominated. Why? Probably because many preferred being 'obvious' to being invisible. Stereotypes can be very influential and self-perpetuating. The word 'gay' it...

 Are you a 'Type'? 'Preference'? Fetish...!? Well, maybe, but first and foremost we are all human. We all like different things and are attracted to different types of people, but sometimes we have to remind ourselves that the other person is more than just an object that we project our fantasies onto. Clichés can be fun but nobody is one dimensional in real life. Common preconceptions about race, age, culture and nationality can be damaging. White gay men REALLY should know better, but often we don't. The problem is when you cannot separate the fun, sexy image in your mind from the real person in front of you. We should absolutely enjoy the superficial aspects of all the things that push our buttons.... but we also have to recognise them for what they are. Those exciting attractions can be the beginning of a quality connection ... but only the beginning. Take another step. Get to know him as an actual living, breathing person with his own feelings, opinions, streng...