Top Heavy

Words are loaded. 

We can't help it. Before we even open our mouths or think about what we want to say, the words we have available to us are already pre-packaged with a multitude of meanings and these are not necessarily the ones we want them to have. All too often, they are not even close.

Take the words 'Top' and 'Bottom". Harmless enough, you think? Or insidiously coloured? Here we have a pair that imply that one thing is in some ways better than the other.

In every other context the word 'top' signifies something which is superior, whereas 'bottom' denotes the opposite... Top gun. Top tips. Top of the Pops. Rock bottom. The bottom of the barrel. Bottom feeder.

Oh, but that doesn't mean anything, you say; we know what the words mean in the right context. These are just sexual positions or roles, there is no value judgement attached.

Are you sure? Because it seems to me that those words carry pretty heavy associations that key into some powerful psychological triggers within us.

You don't have to dig too deep below the surface to see where these odd perceptions originate. It all goes back to male chauvinism. Men are regarded as the lords of creation with women their loyal servants. These attitudes are carried over into the gay male psyche with depressing inevitability. To be a masculine or Top gay man is to receive a special kind of reverance in certain circles, and not just from others of their own kind. 

'Top' and 'Bottom' are terms originating from the US, and now commonplace throughout the English-speaking world. In Europe the equivalent varieties of 'active' and 'passive' are just as disappointing. 

And it's not just the Top boys slapping themselves on the back; Bottoms are often the ones perpetuating the clichés with self-denigrating slurs. 

Am I just taking this all too seriously? It's only sex, after all. Nobody is actually defined by their sexual preference - indeed, most gay men are Versatile or 'Sides' - but I maintain that the shallow associations that often load the labels can be damaging. Embracing 'bitchy' behaviour can be entertaining but is ultimately demeaning. Likewise, affecting superficial masculine attributes may make you feel like 'a real man' but it is equally pretentious.

Only when we abandon the underlying notion that 'masculinity' is somehow more valuable than 'femininity' - both of these in themselves no more than subjective cultural constructs - do we see each other on a level playing field. 

Top, but not higher. Bottom, but not lower. Different but equal.

Besides, the next time someone uses the words 'Top' or 'Bottom' to make himself look like he is above people or to make others appear to be below him, just laugh and explain the theory of Sexual Relativity... The existence of the Reverse Cowboy position turns the whole thing on its head.

Topsy-turvy, you might say...

Bottoms up!

STURDY